the Adventure Lifestyle magazine

The warnings pretty much sum up my itinerary. I intend sneak into Tajikistan, carry a lot of cash, travel through numerous checkpoints, cross lethal mountain passes night, wander around looking for the abominable snowman, hang out with the UN, work as a war photographer and help victims of ethnic cleansing return to their bombed vil lages. After that's all done, I'll go to Afghanistan to back and relax. There aren't a lot of tourist brochures on Taj ikistan. Actually, there weren't any I could find. Hell, there doesn't seem to be a lot of anything going on at all in Taj ikistan, other than mountains and men with automatic weapons. Just about the only information I could find were State Department warnings. You can always count on Uncle Sam to tell it like it is when you're going to a nasty place. WHY HISTORY DOESN'T WORK Shedding a little clarity on the region: Soviet Russia was made up of many tribes and peoples, very few of them Russians. This remote region, now called the Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS), is a primarily Muslim grouping of clans, peoples and tribes who really have no strong central government. The only country that has done well is Kazakhstan and that's primarily because they sit on a smal l Saudi Arabia of oil. The rest of the stans (Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Kyrgyzstan) are poor, worn, badly chopped-up regions where years of Soviet abuse and ethnic musical chairs have left only the most desperate or the most criminal to survive. There has been civi l war in Tajikistan since 1992 between the Taj ik president, Imomali Rakhmonov, and Islamic rebels led by Nuri and his bad ass mujahideen (Muslim freedom fighters from around the region). Tajikistan has also seen a colorful collection of "rogue commanders" who, depending on their whims, were freedom fighters, drug czars, army warlords or just plain old gangsters. To complicate things further, elements of the Russian, Uzbek and Taj ik military, eager to put Communism behind them, have become capitalists with a vengeance. Although these Russian soldiers and their all ies were ostensibly in Tajikistan to protect the border against the Afghan hordes, the soldiers made themselves busy (and wealthy) by sel ling weapons, transportation and protection in exchange for hard cash (US of course), favors, drugs and cutting each other in and out of the deals. In between their little freelance businesses they plinked away at drug smugglers who dared cross the river and the no-mans land between Afghanistan and Tajikistan. Tajikistan is well known as a place for banditry, thievery, extortion and other mafia pursuits that keep this impoverished country well stocked with frightened peasants and ridiculously affluent thugs in shiny new Cadillacs and Beemers. Oh, I almost forgot other events like a Typhoid epidemic that has affected over 5,000 or so people and killed 46. You would think Tajikistan would be thri lled to see a tourist after such a dry spell. They're not. Most folks will tell you that if you book one of those plush climbing or photo tours (the Pamirs offer remote rugged peaks rife with bandits, abominable snowmen and other natural hazards), visas are no problem. If you just want to fly in, poke around, and hang out in the killing zones, visas are not so easy to come by. Basically the only way to get one is to prepay an Into Hotel and you can get a visa for as long as you buy nights. And can only do it in approved centers like Dushanbe. If you think you can skip out and visit the fighting, you'll soon realize you must register with OVIR (state police) who will track you like a dog tracks a wounded rabbit. More than likely they will simply refuse you entry into any place considered politically inexpedient for outside exposure. They sti ll kidnap and kill foreigners in Tajikistan. Of course, I am not allowed in Tajikistan. So I plan to enter in secret and illegally, with an expired one-day visa, no guide, no permission and absolutely no knowledge of Russian. ON THE ROAD TO TAJIKISTAN VIA UZBEKISTAN I had flown over Tajikistan on my way into Uzbekistan and what I saw was magnificent from 35,000 feet. As far as I could see were crystal white peaks, twisted and smashed by some might collision. In between the high mountains ran a few smog-filled chasms where rivers carve out meager flat spots. Occasionally the mountains dip low enough to provide a steeply angled pasture or even a toehold livestock. These are unlike any mountain range on earth because instead of forming a scenic spine, the Pamirs look like someone bunched a sheet together and smashed it to pieces. It is an angry young ice floe of mountains. Fi rst I have to get into Tajikistan. There are no flights into Tajikistan from Uzbekistan since there is little fuel and even less 37

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